I Am Actually Legolas Pippin and Frodo!
by Nutritious Goodness
Summary: Thought they could shut us down did they! Well no here is another delicious and nutritious story to supply you with your daily dose of nutritious goodness. Enjoy :)
1. Another Abduction

"Stop right there!" Two elfin maidens appeared in front of Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Eomer & Co. Those elfin maidens were Nevlachwen and Ascafen. They were great friends and were alike in personality but they were way different in looks. Nevlachwen (or Nev) had (obviously) long black, wavy hair and emerald green eyes. Her skin was darker than the average elf and she wore an autumn orange silk velvet dress. While Ascafen had sky blue eyes and deep red straight hair with two plaits at the sides. She was paler that the average elf wearing a crushed velvet light green dress. Anyway who cares about descriptions.  
  
"And who are you fair maidens to ask us to stop?" Aragorn turned around and asked, a bit annoyed.  
  
"You obviously don't know who we are!" Nevlachwen took out her bow and arrow while Ascafen wielded her sword. Oh yeah, they're skilled fighters in their chosen deadly sport.  
  
"No that we don't." Eomer rolled his eyes.  
  
"Good!" Ascafen exclaimed. "Then you don't know where we live!" she said and looked at her friend as they both said. "Now stick your hands up!"  
  
"Look women!" Gimli grumbled. "We don't have time for this!" They glared at the men.  
  
"Oooh.better do what they say." Legolas willingly stuck up his hands and pretended to be afraid.  
  
"By God! There are only two of them! We can take them down!" Eomer exclaimed wielding his own sword.  
  
"We'll take the elf," Nev jerked her head in Legolas' direction. "And that dark rugged one." she pointed to Aragorn with her bow. "And who do you want?" she turned to Ascafen.  
  
"That one." Ascafen leaned on her sword and nodded at Eomer.  
  
"Right I've had enough of this!" Aragorn drew his sword and approached Nev only to be tripped up by Ascafen and his hands bound by Nev.  
  
"Right everyone else come in peace!" Ascafen ordered.  
  
Legolas willingly went to Nev and held out his hands to be bound.  
  
"Hey Goldilocks!" Nev shouted at Eomer. "Get over here!"  
  
"Never!" Eomer shouted back.  
  
"Little sod!" Ascafen yelled and threw a rock at him which hit Eomer in the eye.  
  
"Alright I'm coming!" Eomer stammered towards them rubbing his eye.  
  
"You there give us your horse!" Nev aimed her bow at one of Eomer's men. "The pretty grey one." interestingly enough she got what she asked for.  
  
"And you," Ascafen shouted. "Give me that black one!" and she also got what she asked for. "Now you!" she said to Eomer. "Hop on!"  
  
"But.but.!" Eomer stammered.  
  
"Do as the lady says." Legolas whispered to him as he hopped on behind Nev. Eomer gave Legolas a funny look but hopped on behind Ascafen anywho.  
  
"And who am I sposed to go with?!" Aragorn asked, outraged.  
  
"You got legs." Ascafen shrugged.  
  
"So run." Nev said in a threatening manner and galloped off into the horizon with Ascafen as Aragorn ran.  
  
"What is this place?" Legolas asked in awe as they entered an elven mansion.  
  
"It ain't Rivendell." Ascafen said as she gave Eomer a cold stone for his eye.  
  
"And it's not Lothlorien." Nev said as she dragged Aragorn through the door. "But you know what?" Legolas shook his head, still in awe.  
  
"You three ain't leaving." Ascafen grinned.  
  
"What?!" Eomer roared. "You kidnapped us?!"  
  
"Oooh.this sounds bad." Legolas said slowly. "Yes.bad." Aragorn mumbled something but it was incomprehensible. The two maidens headed out the door, locking it.  
  
"Where are you going?!" Eomer asked as he watched them.  
  
"To get the hobbits!" Nev shouted back to him as she saddled her horse.  
  
"Yay! Pippin!" Ascafen said excitedly and mounted her horse. Well it wasn't hers it was one of Eomer's men's. And once again they rode off. 


	2. An encounter with a Treebeard

Nev and Ascafen pulled their horses to a halt, they looked around in all directions.  
  
"Well what way do you propose we go?" Ascafen asked checking on her sword.  
  
"Hmmm, well my elf senses are telling me thata way!" Nev closed one eye and  
  
pointed an arrow in the direction of Fangorn Forest, she turned around to see Ascafen already riding towards the forest.  
  
When they had gone a little way into the forest they dismounted their horses and led them.  
  
Ascafen kneeled to the ground and sniffed "I'm on the trail!" she exclaimed following the scent.  
  
"Oooh! Is it a hobbit scent!?!" Nev asked jumping up and down clapping her hands excitedly.  
  
"It sure is! I can smell hobbit feet!" Ascafen looked up for a moment before continuing on the trail.  
  
Nev pouted and put her hands on her hips "All I can smell is.trees" she followed Ascafen, "there are no flowers to pick in this forest!" she complained.  
  
"The trail finishes right here!" Ascafen straightened up and pointed to the bottom of a tree.  
  
"Hmmm well that doesn't look like a hobbit" Nev scratched her chin thoughtfully and looked up her eyes widened and she pulled on the sleeve of Ascafen's dress and pointed up into the tree's branches.  
  
"What? Hey watch the dress!" Ascafen fixed her sleeve and looked up into the tree and gasped, "PIPPIN!" she shouted seeing the little hobbit  
  
".AND MERRY TOO!" Nev squealed jumping around again, "now you two come on down from there" Nev held her hand out "didn't your mother tell you not to play around in dangerous places?" she asked ignoring the look that Merry and Pippin were exchanging. the frightened look that they were exchanging.  
  
"Uh.no we're quite fine up here thanks" Merry's eyes widened and he appeared to cling on tighter to the tree branch.  
  
".and we can't get down anyway!" Pippin wailed in his Scottishy accent.  
  
"Why not!?!" Ascafen asked pulling out her sword ready to fight someone or something.  
  
Merry and Pippin didn't say anything as they were too frightened by the sight of the sword, the big sword. that they were afraid of.  
  
"Not.helping" Nev said to Ascafen through clenched teeth.  
  
"Fine, fine" Ascafen sighed disappointedly and put the sword away, "happy now?" it was her turn to pout.  
  
"Now what were you saying about not being able to get down?" Nev flicked some bark out of her hair.  
  
"Well this tree is holding us prisoner and we can't get down" Pippin wriggled around "it's horrible!" he exclaimed.  
  
Merry elbowed Pippin "Pip what would be worse staying up here in this tree or going with those freaky elves?" he whispered to him, "I mean they aren't acting very elf-like are they?" he nodded his head satisfied with this proposition.  
  
"Hey! we're elves not deaf!" Nev shouted up the tree stomping her foot beginning to get impatient "come down here this instant!" she ordered.  
  
"I don't think that they look that bad" Pippin tilted his head to one side "that one with red hair looks especially nice" he added, "well we better do what they say" he grinned happily and attempted to get out of the tree "I just realized that I'm scared of heights" he whimpered.  
  
"And anyway it's not like Treebeard is going to let you take us away" Merry crossed his hobbit arms.  
  
"Damn straight" Treebeard finally said also crossing his arms (except his were tree arms)  
  
"Don't worry Pippin I'll save you!" Ascafen declared wielding her sword "let the hobbits go now" she said in a deadly tone holding her sword against Treebeard.  
  
"I cannot understand how an elf would act in such a hostile manner against nature" Treebeard appeared to be shocked.  
  
"Don't worry she doesn't mean it" Nev grabbed Ascafen pulling her back "Violence will not solve this problem!" she said.  
  
"Why not?" Ascafen asked disappointedly putting her sword away again and this time scowled instead of pouting.  
  
"So will you let the hobbits go now?" Nev asked Treebeard as Ascafen had her back to them and was sulking.  
  
"Yes.." He said slowly "but only for a hefty ransom" he croaked in his tree voice.  
  
"Ahhhh and I thought that this was going to be a quick exchange!" Nev threw up her hands exasperated "at this rate we'll never be able to find Frodo.and Sam" this thought did not please her at all, she didn't even seem to mind when Ascafen strode over to the tree and proceeded to shake it.  
  
"Does this count as violence?" she asked still shaking the tree "don't be afraid Pippin I'll catch you" she said.  
  
"What about me?!" Merry asked afraid that he would fall to his death.  
  
"Stop that at once! It is making me most nauseous!" Treebeard's eyes rolled around in his head.  
  
"We hate to do this but sadly you left us no choice" Nev stood back watching the scene of events unravel.  
  
"Ahhhh" Pippin screamed like a girl as he finally fell from the tree only to have Ascafen catch him like she promised, Merry of course ended up on his rump, ass, caboose - whatever you like to call it.  
  
Ascafen took a brief moment to cuddle Pippin whilst muttering things in elvish, he didn't seem to mind though judging by the grin on his face as she ruffled his curly hobbit hair.  
  
"Come we must be off at once!" Nev headed over towards the horse's that they had got from Éomer's men, Ascafen carefully putting Pippin on the horse before she hopped on behind him.  
  
"Come on Merry!" Pippin turned around and waved his hand to him.  
  
"If you think that I'm going to be a part of this escapade.you're wrong! All of you are completely wrong!" he said stubbornly still sitting down in front of a very sick Treebeard who didn't seem to notice that the hobbits were missing.  
  
"So now we're going for Frodo!" Nev squealed when they rode out of Fangorn Forest.  
  
"I'm glad that you decided to come along with us" Pippin said to Merry who was sitting in front of Nev - his hands bound.  
  
"You just don't get it do you Pip?" he replied rolling his eyes. Ascafen's eyes narrowed her hand reaching for her sword, but then stopped when she saw the look that Nev was giving her.  
  
"So it's off to find Frodo and Sam" she said instead. 


	3. MmmNutritious, Delicious Salad

But first, of course, the two Elvish maidens had to drop off the two little Hobbitses at their fancy, shmancy Elvish house.  
  
Ascafen took Pippin's hand and led him inside like a kindergartner. Pippin didn't mind. Nev was having a bit more trouble with Merry.  
  
"Come on!" she tugged with all her might on the ropes that bound his hands.  
  
"No!" Merry replied through clenched teeth and digged his big Hobbit heels into the ground outside the front entrance.  
  
So while Ascafen was cooing over Pippin, Nev was putting up with a great struggle. Legolas the fair Elf saw that Nev was having trouble and rushed over to her aid.  
  
"May I help you?" he did a little bow. Nev didn't really notice his politeness.  
  
"Yeah!" she glared at Merry. "He's being difficult!" she stomped her foot and folded her arms.  
  
"I will talk to him." Legolas stepped forward. He had a dangerous look on his face towards Merry. Nev stepped aside inspecting her dress, I mean, they were out in the forest...it could've gotten dirty or something.  
  
"No!" Merry also stomped his foot.  
  
"Listen to me," Legolas crouched down to be on Merry's level and looked around cautiously. "What would you rather do? Go through a forest with no where to rest, nothing to eat, nothing to keep you warm with..." at this point Merry was beginning to look a little afraid. "You can stay with these two crazy ladies.who will," he held up his hand and counted off the things, "feed you, clothe you and wait on you hand and foot?!"  
  
Ascafen finally noticed this show wasn't even past its prelude yet and she marched over to the front entrance.  
  
"Oh, for pete's sake!" she pushed Legolas out of the way.  
  
"Who's Pete?" Merry asked, his little Hobbit face very confused.  
  
"There's an apple pie cooling on the window sill right there.." She pointed inside.  
  
"Pie?!" Merry's eyes went their widest. "Why didn't you say so?!" he flew inside, nearly knocking Legolas off balance.  
  
"Reverse psychology is the greatest." Ascafen said to Nev as they locked the door.  
  
"Totally." Nev nodded in agreement.  
  
"Women!" Eomer and Aragorn demanded. "Are the Hobbits the only ones that are going to get fed?!"  
  
"They are so rude." Nev whispered to Ascafen.  
  
"I know." Ascafen rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Just bear with it..."  
  
"Well..." Nev smiled sweetly at them. "Of course not!"  
  
"Jolly good." Eomer exclaimed.  
  
"For we are the real men here." Aragorn added as he lazed out on the satiny elven couch while polishing his sword.  
  
"I am this close to-" Ascafen muttered to Nev who silenced her.  
  
"Yes! You're right! You ARE the real men here." Nev sweetly smiled again and walked over to their Elvish kitchen that was adjoined to their Elvish lounge by a bar table.  
  
Legolas sulked. "What about me!!!" he flicked Nev and Ascafen a glance.  
  
"What about you?" Ascafen looked puzzled as she mixed a tomato salad.  
  
"But you're not a man." Nev pointed out. "You're an elf...and what an elf!"  
  
Legolas cheered up a bit by this but not completely. Eomer and Aragorn exchanged a manly handshake.  
  
"The food is on the table!" Ascafen called as she opened their wardrobe with a very pretty, carved, wooden door and taking out two cloaks. A dark blue one for herself and a light blue one for Nev and handed it to her.  
  
"On the table?!" Eomer wailed as he patted his stomach.  
  
"Bring it here!!" Aragorn commanded.  
  
Suddenly Ascafen's expression clouded over and became stormy. Nev put her slender elvish hand on Ascafen's arm to restrain her but Ascafen just shook it off and proceeded to walk over to the beautiful wooden dining table.  
  
Pippin and Merry watched and cowered from a corner, with apple pie stains over their faces and Merry was slowly licking the plate. Legolas sensed trouble was brewing and also looked up. He had been previously staring out the window.  
  
Nev rolled her eyes, she could guess what was about to go down and tapped her foot in impatience. She glanced outside at the sun. They were already running late for their final capture.  
  
Ascafen picked up two delicate bowls, which contained a tomato salad and an egg salad and walked over to Eomer and Aragorn.  
  
"Thanks." Aragorn stretched out his hands to take one of the bowls. Instead Ascafen dumped it on his head. Pieces of tomato slid over Aragorn's face and plopped down on the floor.  
  
Eomer doubled over laughing and pointing at Aragorn. At this Ascafen handed the other bowl to Nev who then tipped the contents over Eomer's lush blond hair. The laughter abruptly stopped.  
  
Ascafen and Nev both raised an eyebrow in a Don't-Even-Think-of-Messing- With-Us way. The silence was as thick as the egg salad now dribbling over Eomer's beard. And then a hysterical laugh rang throughout the room. It was Legolas who was now standing, bending over, laughing, laughing, coughing for air, lauhing...etc. Pippin and Merry giggled from the corner and began to fight over the apple pie plate.  
  
Aragorn and Eomer were confused and fuming with anger at the same time. After getting the dishes off their heads they dragged Legolas out into the fenced yard and began to pound their fists into their hands.  
  
At the same time Nev and Ascafen had locked the door, mounted their horses and were riding away to find Frodo and Sam. 


End file.
